It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
