Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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