I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
