if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
