OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
