there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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