why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
