boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
