Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
