Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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