just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
