I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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