We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
