birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize