The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
