Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
