Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
