I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize