I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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