can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
