At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
