cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
