Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
