My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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