just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
