what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
