I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
