Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
