I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
