I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
