suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
