Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
