My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize