did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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