i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
