32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
