but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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