I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
