Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
