You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
well you can't waste a boner
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
