I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
