yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
