I wish my penis had an off switch
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
