I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
