This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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