why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
