im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
