Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
