Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
