my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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