If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
