Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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