did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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