if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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