Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
