she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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