Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
