Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
