If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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