I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
