Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize