I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
