He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
