I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
