hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
